Bad mood or big deal?

Tweens, teens and mental
and emotional health

_{^{A GUIDE TO THE SECONDARY YEARS}}_{^{| MENTAL & EMOTIONAL HEALTH}}

Tweens, teens and mental
and emotional health

If you’ve ever felt like you need a crystal ball to predict what mood your tween or teenager is going to be in when they come home from school, you’re not alone. One moment, they’re happily chatting about their day, the next they’re slamming the door because you asked the wrong question. It can feel as if you’re constantly walking on eggshells, which can be stressful for everyone.

So how do you know what’s normal, and what needs a little more support? Here’s our quick guide to mental and emotional wellbeing in the secondary school years.

A 2023 mental health survey¹ of 2,370 children and young people between 8 to 25 years old living in England found that 1 in 5 children and young people aged 8 to 25 years had a probable mental disorder. This was 20.3% of 8 to 16-year-olds, 23.3% of 17 to 19-year-olds and 21.7% of 20-to-25-year olds¹.

_{^{1. Mental Health of Children and Young People in England, 2023 –}}_{^{NHS England}}

_{^{A GUIDE TO THE SECONDARY YEARS}}_^|_{^{MENTAL & EMOTIONAL HEALTH}}_{^{| RESILIENCE}}

Understanding the emotional rollercoaster of adolescence

During adolescence, our bodies and brains change fast. The part of the brain that handles decision making, judgement and impulse control isn’t fully developed – but the part responsible for emotions, is already firing². This is why a teen’s decisions are sometimes driven more by emotion than logic.

This is also happening alongside dealing with hormone changes, intense relationships, and figuring out who they are and who they want to be. There’s a lot going on, all at the same time. This is the key time for change and transitions, which can often be difficult to navigate.

This doesn’t mean you have to accept bad behaviour, but knowing some conflict and moodiness is normal can take some of the sting out of it.

Building resilience, self-esteem and navigating change

For some children, the switch from primary to secondary school can be the biggest transition of their life so far. As well as new teachers, classmates and subjects, they’re having to adjust to being a very small fish in a much larger pond.

As relationships intensify, academic pressure mounts, and they start thinking about the future, they’ll need to develop ways to cope. Here are some tips for building resilience and self-esteem:

Let them problem solve

Learning to deal with setbacks helps build resilience. Be their safety net, not their rescuer.

Tell them you understand it’s hard

This validates what they’re feeling and can be more helpful than reassuring them everything will be fine.

Praise effort not just results

Praising them for sticking at it builds confidence as much as praising them for getting a good grade.

Encourage them to use coping strategies

Deep breathing, journalling, going for a walk, listening to music, and talking to someone are all good tools for hard times.

Keep routines steady

Regular mealtimes, sleep and some tech-free time can provide stability when everything else is shifting.

_{^{2. The teenage brain: How can neuroscience help us understand teenagers? –}}_{^{BBC Bitesize}}

_{^{A GUIDE TO THE SECONDARY YEARS}}_^|_{^{MENTAL & EMOTIONAL HEALTH}}_{^{| ANXIETY}}

Anxiety: What might you notice?

Ups and downs are normal in adolescence, so spotting when something needs more attention can be tricky. Look out for changes that feel like more than just a bad day:

Physical changes	Thoughts	Feelings	Behaviours
Tummy aches, feeling sick	Negative, something bad will happen or everyone will laugh at me	Low mood, feeling unmotivated, fearful of certain situations	Avoidance, reluctance to take part in new experiences
Unexplained pain	Connected to low self esteem. I am not good enough	Fearful of certain situations	Shaking, having tantrums and refusing to attend events or engage in activities

If you notice any of these, it’s worth having a gentle conversation – simply letting them know you’re there to talk can open the door.

_{^{A GUIDE TO THE SECONDARY YEARS}}_^|_{^{MENTAL & EMOTIONAL HEALTH}}_{^{| FRIENDSHIPS}}

How can I help them manage their friendships?

Teenage friendships can be pretty intense. As well as navigating their own worries, your teen may be dealing with their friend’s concerns. They may worry about what to say or do, and feel they’re the only support their friend has.

Here are a few ways you can help:

Always have a conversation and invite them to talk about what they are feeling. It might help them by explaining that being a good friend doesn’t mean being their therapist. Your teen can listen, care and encourage their friend to get proper support, but they’re not responsible for fixing their problems.
Help them identify when a situation is too big to handle alone, particularly if it involves self-harm, suicidal thoughts, or abuse.
Talk about who their friend could go to for help, such as a parent, school counsellor or other trusted adult.
Reassure them that telling an adult isn’t betraying their friend.
Check in on how they’re doing, not just their friend.

_{^{A GUIDE TO THE SECONDARY YEARS}}_^|_{^{MENTAL & EMOTIONAL HEALTH}}_{^{| SELF-HARM}}

What are the signs of self-harm?

In 2023, self-harm hospital admissions went up 22% for children aged 8-17 in one year, making this age group the largest for self-harm admissions³.

It’s important to be alert for self-harm as it’s more common than many parents and carers realise, and doesn’t always look like what you'd expect. It can include cutting or scratching, but also burning, hair-pulling, head banging, swallowing objects and skin picking.

Self-harm isn’t usually about wanting to die - it’s a way of managing intense emotional distress that feels too hard to put into words. It should always be taken seriously.

What are some signs of self-harm?

Possible signs of self-harm include:

Unexplained cuts, scratches, burns, bitemarks or bruises.
Wearing long sleeves or trousers even in summer, or avoiding swimming.
Blood stains on clothing or tissues.
Spending a lot of time alone, particularly in the bathroom or bedroom.
Discovering razor blades or stockpiled medication in their possession or belongings, with no clear reason for having them.
Low mood, withdrawal or outbursts of anger.
Risky behaviour, such as drinking or taking drugs.

What to do if you find signs of self-harm

Try to stay calm. Avoid shock, anger or panic.
Approach it with care, not judgement. Tell them you want to understand and help, and emphasise that you’re not angry.
Let them talk when they’re ready. Don’t force it.
Talk to your GP or CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services). They can advise on the next steps.
If you’re worried about an injury, call 111, or if it’s serious, call 999 or go to A&E.

_{^{3. Self-harm hospital admissions up 22% for children aged 8-17 –}}_^BBC

For more information about what self-harm is and how you can help see our guide:

Self harm in children

_{^{A GUIDE TO THE SECONDARY YEARS}}_^|_{^{MENTAL & EMOTIONAL HEALTH}}_{^{| SUPPORTING LGBTQ+ PEOPLE}}

Supporting young LGBTQ+ people

A 2024 research study⁴ of LGBTQ+ people aged between 13 and 24 found that:

62% reported recent symptoms of depression
70% reported recent symptoms of anxiety
58% reported self-harming

For LGBTQ+ teens, the challenges of adolescence can be compounded by additional pressures such as questioning their identity, fear of rejection, bullying and discrimination.

Children and parents or carers can find it difficult to talk about these pressures. To make things easier:

Don’t assume you have to have all the answers. It’s ok to say you don’t know something but you’ll learn.
Look at charity websites – they often have sections for parents and carers. There may be local get-togethers too.
Use the language they use to describe their identity. Don’t pressure them to label things before they’re ready.
Be mindful of jokes and casual comments, even if they’re not aimed at your child.
Be aware that coming out can be a very personal process. Your child may come out to you before or after other people or not at all. Their choice will be based on lots of factors – try not to take it personally.

When should I ask for support?

If things seem to be escalating and you’re becoming worried:

Talk to your GP and ask about a CAMHS referral.
Speak to school counsellors, pastoral staff or the special educational needs team.
Speak to a childhood mental health charity – many have helplines. We’ve added some more details of these and others in our Resources section.
If you think it’s an emergency, don’t hesitate to call 111, 999 or go to A&E.

_{^{4. 2024 United Kingdom Survey on the Mental Health of LGBTQ+ Young People –}}_{^{The Trevor Project}}

_{^{A GUIDE TO THE SECONDARY YEARS}}_^|_{^{MENTAL & EMOTIONAL HEALTH}}_{^{| TIPS FOR WELLBEING}}

Top tips for tweens and teens wellbeing

Talk through whatever’s bothering them without judgement.
Don’t rush to fix things – let them solve problems themselves.
Teach them it’s ok to fail – it’s the effort you put in that matters.
Be curious but not intrusive.
Trust your instincts – you know your child better than anyone.

Dr Imren Sterno

Head of mental health
& Consultant clinical psychologist

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_{^{A GUIDE TO THE SECONDARY YEARS}}_^|_{^{MENTAL & EMOTIONAL HEALTH}}_{^{| WHERE CAN I FIND OUT MORE?}}

Where can I find out more?

NHS advice for parents	Advice and support for parents who have children with a mental health issue.
Ditch the label	Support for young people in tough times, including mental health, identity, bullying and relationships.
Childline	Support for young people up to 19 years old via a helpline, emails and webchat.
YoungMinds	Support for young people via a helpline and webchat.
AXA Health family health hub and AXA Health mental health hub	Articles and videos to help you navigate family life, including: Tips and tools to help your teen/tween’s mind health Dealing with anxiety in children Dealing with depression in children and young people Self-harm in children Eating disorders in children and teenagers