Your health
matters too

Taking care of yourself
while parenting a teen

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Taking care of yourself while parenting a teen

Secondary school doesn’t mean parenting gets easier – it just changes shape.

From steering your child through transition, to navigating puberty, to supporting them with the stress of exams, to guiding them through big decisions about their future: you’re a counsellor, a careers adviser, a personal tutor – and the rest. It can all take a toll – emotionally and physically.

How to take care of yourself as a parent or carer

You can’t support your teen if you’re not in a good place yourself. Here a few things that can help strengthen your own resilience:

Talk to other parents or carers who’ve been there. From WhatsApp groups to online forums to local meet-ups – there’s support out there.
For support with specific topics, such as special educational needs or mental health concerns, look at charities – they may have forums, helplines or local get-togethers. Take a look at our resources section for some ideas.
You don’t have to do everything yourself. Share the admin and support load with your partner or other family members.
Remember the basics: enough sleep, eating well and exercising – even if it’s just a quick walk.
Recognise the signs of burnout – irritability, numbness, dread and losing interest.
Don’t wait until breaking point to ask for help.

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What to do if
you're struggling?

It is always better to be yourself and build a
family that is unique and makes sense to you.

Small steps: It can feel overwhelming to address our challenges and sometimes you just don’t know where to start. Doing one thing differently each day and taking small steps to making changes is the best way to start.
Accept how you feel: For some parents and carers, holding it all in and putting on a ‘brave face’ is the only way they know how to cope. If this is you, ask yourself, how long will this strategy last and is it helpful? The first step is accepting you might need support and that it is ok to not be ok. Hiding doesn’t help because it delays access to support and can mean your mental health deteriorates further.
Reach out and talk more: Having a chat with a friend or relative over the phone can be the next best thing to being with them. Regular communication of any kind supports our mental wellbeing. The more you talk, the more you will find you can open up too. Don’t be afraid to reach out to people and ask for help, companionship or just a chat – they may be feeling lonely too.
Remember you are worth looking after too: Ask yourself, are you always at the back of the queue? Do you often put your needs at the end of the list? If so, why? You need to look after yourself too and it’s easy to fall into the trap of being everything for everyone, but it’s not going to help you cope better. Just think about when you did something for yourself… if that’s hard, ask yourself why and see if you can act on this and make a change.
Let go of the perfect picture idea of family: There is no such thing as a perfect family or perfect parent or carer. We all do the best we can – don’t strive for how others do it or compare yourself to others. It is always better to be yourself and build a family that is unique and makes sense to you.

Dr Imren Sterno

Head of mental health
& Consultant clinical psychologist

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What support can I get?

If things feel unmanageable, don’t hesitate. See your GP – they can point you towards the right support.

If you need to talk to someone urgently, you can call Samaritans on 116 123 around the clock.

Other great support that’s out there can be found by reaching out to:

Coram Family Lives: A charity specialising in supporting families. You can call their confidential helpline on 0808 800 2222 (Monday to Friday 9am to 9pm, Saturday to Sunday 10am to 3pm). You can also visit the Family Lives forum, email its support team on askus@coramfamilylives.co.uk, message via WhatsApp on 07441 444 125 or live chat via the website.
Relate offers relationship advice and counselling. You can get in touch by calling 0300 100 1234 (England) or 0300 003 2340 (Wales). Phone lines are available Monday to Friday 9.30am to 1pm. You can also email bookings@relate.org.uk for more information.

Support for our members

If you’re an AXA Health member and 18+, you can call our 24/7 health support line on 0800 003 004 and talk to a healthcare professional at any time of the day or night.

The 24/7 health support line cannot respond to emergencies. If you need an urgent response or have a medical emergency, please call 111/999 or go to A&E. Our health professionals don’t diagnose or prescribe, and don’t replace your GP.

The 24/7 health support line is unable to provide counselling or therapy services but can provide health information from a qualified health professional, and signpost support services that may be available to you.