What does a healthy adult relationship look like?
You used to know everything about your child – what they were doing, who they were with, all their ups and downs. When they become an adult, the relationship shifts, and it can feel disorientating. But don’t think of it as an ending – look at it as the start of a new kind of relationship.
Building a healthy adult relationship, means changing from talking ‘parent/carer to child’ to talking ‘adult to adult’. It’s not always easy, but mutual respect, honesty, and letting them make their own choices help.
You can still offer advice but try not to force it, even if you think they’re leaping headlong into a mistake. And don’t be surprised if they start trying to offer you advice.
Welcoming them back: the boomerang generation
Whether they come back for a few weeks or a few years, it’s common for young people to return to the family home after leaving.
Don’t look on it as a step backwards – and don’t let them see it this way either. Instead, see it as time to enjoy each other’s company as adults. It’s easy to slip into old routines, but what worked when they were children, won’t work in a household of adults.
You may relish the idea of reinstating family movie night, while they’d rather be out with friends.
Don’t insist – find something that works for both of you instead.
Be their equal, not their manager
It’s tempting to keep managing their life – solving problems, checking they’re ok, and trying to organise them. But at some point, you have to trust them to handle their own life.
Instead of imposing your thoughts on them, let them come to you when they need help – that way you build a relationship of equals.