Empty nest, or not quite empty?
When your child grows up and sets off on their own journey through life, you’ll probably find yourself experiencing mixed emotions. You’re proud, happy and excited to see them take their first steps into the adult world, but at the same time you might feel adrift and directionless, as if you, too, are embarking on a new phase.
When you hear the phrase ‘empty nest’, you might picture the last child walking out the door with the sound of the car slowly fading away and the house falling silent around you.
In reality, the shift is often gradual, sometimes messy and confusing. Many young people who leave for university come back at various points throughout the year. Others may continue to live at home while they study or work, albeit more independently than before.
Some boomerang – they leave, come back, then leave again.
You may find yourself grieving a departure that hasn’t fully happened, or frustrated by a child who has left but still feels very much present. Some parents and carers count down the days until they can get the house to themselves again.
There’s no right or wrong way to feel about it.
Grief and loss of identity: Is it normal to
feel like this?
When young people move to the next stage in their lives, it’s normal to feel sadness and loneliness alongside pride and happiness.
What you’re grieving is often the loss of a chapter in both your lives – school runs, evenings together watching TV and the countless small family rituals you didn’t notice at the time.
Some parents and carers may feel the loss more deeply than others. If being needed has been a core part of your identity, or you’ve structured your work and social life around your children, their absence can feel disorientating and destabilising.
If you’re feeling lost, acknowledge what you’re feeling. Give yourself permission to grieve, talk to friends and family about how you feel. This is often more helpful than pretending everything’s fine.
