Looking after your young person’s wellbeing

Supporting without hovering

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Looking after your young person’s wellbeing

Persuading young people to do what’s good for them isn’t easy at the best of times. If they've left home for university, then it can be even harder. You’re no longer the one cooking their meals and making sure they go to bed at a sensible hour. But you can gently nudge them to take care of themselves, even from a distance.

Think about the route they’re on

Think about the path they’ve chosen and the different challenges they might face on that route.

University: might lead to a lack of structure, loneliness and difficulty making new friends.
Apprenticeships or work: first jobs can be hard to navigate and working and studying can be overwhelming.
Gap years (whether at home or abroad): too much freedom and pressure to make it matter can potentially end in a sense of failure.

It’s easier to offer guidance and support if you can put yourself in their shoes, so ask about their specific experiences and how they feel about them.

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How can I support good mental health?

Some young people thrive away from home, but others struggle with academic or social pressures, not to mention having to fend for themselves.

Don’t worry if they have a wobble in the first couple of months, as they’re rebuilding their routine, friendship group and sense of self, all at once.

Here are some ways you can help them get over these bumps.

Managing anxiety

Don’t tell them everything is fine or try to fix whatever’s worrying them. Listen to their worries and acknowledge their feelings.

Help them break the problem down into micro-steps and manageable actions.

Keeping calm yourself can help them ground their emotions and see things more positively.

Exploring identity

Young people often experiment when they take their first steps into adulthood. Keep an open mind as they engage with new ideas, styles or beliefs – or explore their sexuality.

Talk about things openly but don’t react to every change. They’re forming their identity, not changing their personality completely.

Dealing with homesickness

Some young people may need more time to settle than others. Remind them it’s normal.

Don’t be tempted to check in constantly as that can intensify their longing for home.

Instead, try sending packages with familiar comforts to remind them home is always there in the background.

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Helping them live healthy lives

While you can’t be there to make sure they get their five a day, there are things you can do to help them lead a healthy lifestyle as they get used to their newfound freedom.

Teach them two or three simple meals: a few ideas for healthy, tasty things they can make quickly without too much equipment. Potentially avoiding months of takeaways.
Have a chat about sleep and screens: be realistic about their social life but remind them that all-nighters catch up with everyone, and can make other challenges, such as anxiety, low mood and flatmate squabbles, feel much worse.
Connect them with health services: make sure they know where to find their local GP, pharmacy and local hospitals. Explain how to manage prescriptions, appointments and routine healthcare.

In a 2023 NHS Survey, 64.9% of young people aged 17 to 23 years had a problem with sleep 3 or more times over the previous 7 nights.¹

Talking about relationships and intimacy

For some young people leaving home is the first time they experience real independence in dating and relationships. You won’t be there to guide them, so you may want to have an informal conversation before they go.

Recognising a healthy relationship

When it comes to healthy relationships, encourage them to trust their gut. A healthy relationship feels supportive, not controlling.

Red flags can include the other person isolating them from their friends, disguising jealousy as care, and pressure to move the relationship on faster than they’re comfortable with.

Consent

Keep it simple and consistent:

Any sexual contact without consent is illegal.
Consent has to be given freely.
Consent can be withdrawn at any point.
Being silent, or not saying no explicitly, isn't saying yes.

Digital life

Remind them to think carefully before sharing any intimate photos or messages – once they’ve sent them, they’ve lost control of who sees them.

Remind them that in the thrill of a new online relationship, it’s easy to forget people aren’t always who they say they are online.

Mental Health of Children and Young People in England, 2023 – NHS England

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Having conversations about alcohol and drugs

Life in your late teens and early twenties can get a bit wild. It’s a normal part of growing into adulthood. But young people still need to know the dangers and how to avoid risky situations.

It can be a difficult line for parents and carers to tread but these pointers could help you get started.

Don’t lecture: try to have an honest conversation with them before they go. Check in gently rather than making it a “big chat”. Ask what they know about drink and drugs and stay calm even if you don’t like the answers. Keep the door open and let them know they can call you without judgement.
Focus on facts without scaring them: talk about the practical risks, such as the dangers of drinks being spiked and the legal penalties for drug use. The FRANK website explains the facts about drugs in a non-judgemental way and can be a good place to start.
Encourage them to know their limits: talk about what they could do if a
night out gets out of hand, such as having an exit plan and knowing how to get home safely. Offer strategies to help them deal with peer pressure, including how to say no confidently if they’ve had enough to drink or if
they’re offered drugs.

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Financial worries and budgeting

Having to manage money can be one of the scariest things about living away from home.

You can try and help reduce the stress by working out a simple monthly budget together, including rent, food, transport, socialising and something left over for emergencies.

Point them to helpful tools like Moneyhelper and teach them to use automated features such as low balance and overdraft alerts on banking apps.

Sharing practical tips about how you make your household budget work can show how it works in practice.

Talk about money openly and make sure they know it’s ok to make mistakes. Encourage them to tell you if money is running short but don’t be tempted to bail them out financially every time.

Even if you can afford to do this, it’s better to help them find other solutions to manage their money.

A 2023 survey from the National Centre for Social Research, found 48.2% of those aged 17 to 25 years, were worried about money.²

2. Mental Health of Children and Young People – National Centre for Social Research

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Spotting the signs that they’re struggling

Small, temporary changes in behaviour don’t necessarily mean something is seriously wrong. But you may need to act if issues persist or become more severe.

Things to look out for include:

withdrawing from friends or family,
persistent low mood, anxiety or irritability,
losing interest in things they normally enjoy,
major changes in sleep or eating,
repeatedly missing classes or deadlines,
talking about feeling hopeless, worthless or like a burden.

Try to find out what’s causing the problem without being judgemental. Ask what they need from you. Sometimes it’s practical help. Sometimes it’s a cup of tea and a moan. But sometimes they may need professional support.

If so, you can help them find out what counselling their university or college provides or suggest they arrange an appointment with their GP.

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Where can I find out more?

NHS advice for parents	Advice and support for parents and carers on mental health issues.
Student Minds	Information on student life and mental health.
UCAS	Practical guides for young people starting university or college.
FRANK	Factual advice on drugs, their effect and the law.
Moneyhelper	Tools and guidance on budgeting and managing money.
AXA Health family health hub and AXA Health mental health hub	Articles and videos to help you navigate family life, including: Dealing with depression in children and young people

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Support for our members

If you’re an AXA Health member and 18+, you can call our 24/7 health support line on 0800 003 004 and talk to a healthcare professional at any time of the day or night.

The 24/7 health support line cannot respond to emergencies. If you need an urgent response or have a medical emergency, please call 111/999 or go to A&E. Our health professionals don’t diagnose or prescribe, and don’t replace your GP.

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